Today I did NOT wake up in a bed of sunflowers

Today I did not wake up in a bed of sunflowers...

I am a spiritual person but I am a human being. I am not always in a great mood. I am not always feeling strong and my kids and ex can attest to that because of course, I usually snap and project it out on them and they hold the closest perspective but hey, we all pick our soulmates each round.

In fact, I thought of that as I woke up kind of feeling off. It was weird. I was not sad. I was not angry but I also was not as happy as I am accustomed to being and if I was a sucker for some Big Pharma marketing, I might have kept questioning if I was sick at the moment but I was actually really well. What I was is confused. Then my soul mate Fluffy Dog tapped my arm for a morning cuddle and reminded me I am just feeling my wealth.

It was stillness upon awakening.

It has been so long, possibly three years since I woke up in "The gap". Since then, definitely, since Aug of 2017, it has taken me meditation or a savasana to do that.

So waking up today my mind felt foreign because the body keeps the score.

Photo by Jake Young

Keeping Score 

Bessel Van der Kolk wrote the book Body Keeps the Score, but it is not really a book about the mind and body. When you know the feeling of your body, when you stop distracting yourself with all the other things that tell you not to feel, you realize our form is just a package like our house or car or clothes. The body is just a beautiful transmission tower from the soul. The scorekeeper is the mind's logic but the game is actually being designed and adapted while played between the mind and soul. The mind lets the body know what it interprets and percieves from the body as well as the soul. Think of it as the actual control tower at the airport and all these planes are flying in and out on their own schedules with rules set and expectations by their own company. The body is merely the airport but.... the transmission. The actual witness of the signs and all the schedules and holder of all the glory or the pain if there is a safe landing or a horrible crash is the soul. The body will show when we are disconnected from the soul. The body and soul will suffer if the control center of the mind is looking through dirty glasses and is deaf or refusing to look, know, decide.

But, In stillness, your soul is in the driver's seat and we just feel at ease. The mind is not there. There is no middle force between the soul witness of all truth and the expression of that truth that takes form in the body.

So this morning, I awakened in yoga. That space that I take my classes through an hour of asana or a twenty min meditation to get to.

The experience of self where the logic mind is not the leader of the conversation, the intuitive mind is listening and the feeder of knowing is my soul. In stillness, Life does not need to be perfect bc we are in the gap of sense we just are. 
It is yoga off the mat and this is something I did not recognize. I had forgotten how to just awaken in it.

• Stillness. It is not the pause. It is the middle where there is just enough action and inaction. Thinking this gap of need means one should act or react is the mistake a rookie would make.
• Stillness is grace. It is a feeling of optimization. It does not cause us to stop out of fear. It is knowing we are held. We are being cared for and guided. We are in LoVe. The kind of love that is patient and kind, not the force for us to immediately feel we need to take action.
• Stillness is a sign that we have begun to live in grace. 
  It means we are at that moment successfully keeping the balance of our energies within a range of unremarkable flow. The inner antennas are tuned up and tapped in enough to move some energy around inside and if I dig into my diet this past two weeks, it is clear as day my body has been full of a bunch of liver loading treats like cheese, a couple of glasses of alcohol and a hell of a lot of sugar particularly ice cream and dark chocolate breakthroughs and breakdowns...

~ (C)2019 Lisa Holland